Leaders developing leaders.

Conflict

Conflict Intelligence

For good ideas and true innovation, you need human interaction, conflict, argument, debate.–Margaret Heffernan

Managing workplace conflict continues to be a struggle for many of us. “Conflict. It’s an inevitable—and crucial—part of every business. Handled well, the clash of ideas, claims, interests and preferences can be a positive force, exposing the weaknesses of positions and leading to creativity, innovative problem-solving and growth” –Shelley Levitt

So how do we get started? The first step is possessing “Conflict Intelligence” – that means knowing the varying conflict modes and understanding and applying the appropriate style based on the situation.

Authors Peter Coleman and Robert Ferguson share that “conflict intelligence” requires keen social smarts. Similar to Patrick Lencioni’s concepts from Five Behaviors Of A Cohesive Team, it starts with trust.

• Build trust. Great teams sometimes argue passionately, but doing it respectfully is a must.

• Establish a goodwill bank account. Conflicts take place within the context of relationships. When people feel warmly toward each other, they can weather the tension of disagreement without permanently hurting their relationship.

• Be adaptable. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to conflict. There is also a need to understand the differing modes of conflict and when they are best used. For more information refer to Thomas-Kilmann’s TKI model of styles: Competing (assertive, uncooperative), Avoiding (unassertive, uncooperative), Accommodating (unassertive, cooperative), Collaborating (assertive, cooperative), Compromising (middle ground between competing and accommodating). Each style has a time and place.

• Repair post-conflict bruises. The residual hurt feelings and anger that can set in after a heated dispute need to be addressed. “Let’s talk about what happened” is a good opener for individuals and teams alike.

• Court outside views. Even the people who are savviest about conflict resolution need some new perspective from time to time—from friends, former colleagues, mentors, even one-time competitors. Obtain fresh, unbiased opinions.

Conflict is going to happen.  Plan for it and don’t idly sit back and watch it; rather address it in a timely manner before tensions and ill-will escalate!

The Law of win/win says: Let’s not do it your way or my way; let’s do it the best way.
— Greg Anderson

Toxic People

When you notice someone does something toxic the first time, don’t wait
for the second time before you address it or cut them off. . .  Shahida Arabi

Let’s be honest. We all know, or have worked with, toxic people who create workplace conflict. Toxicity covers a lot of territory; some examples include poor attitude, lack of commitment and accountability, taking credit for the work of others, whiners/complainers, finger pointing, intentionally misleading others, and having a closed mindset. (Any others come to mind?).

Author Dr. Travis Bradberry provides 12 ways to manage toxic people who create workplace conflict (excerpts are):

Set limits
A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to fix the problem. They may stop complaining to you!

Choose your battles
Stand your ground, pick the “right time” to address the conflict, and use your emotional intelligence skills to keep conversations healthy.

Rise up
Don’t allow yourself to respond emotionally and get sucked in; remain fact based.

Stay aware of your emotions
Recognize when your buttons are being pushed. Take the time you need to regroup.

Establish boundaries
Decide when and where you’ll engage a difficult person, this allows you take control.

Don’t let anyone limit your joy
Emotionally intelligent people don’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks take away their sense of accomplishment or “happy” feelings.

Don’t focus on problems—only solutions
Quit thinking about how troubling your difficult person is, and instead focus on how you’re going to go about handling them.

Don’t forget
Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn’t mean that they forget.

Squash negative self-talk
Negative self-talk is unrealistic, unnecessary and self-defeating.

Limit your caffeine intake
Caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline and is the source of “fight-or-flight”.

Get some sleep
Sleep has a direct link with increasing emotional intelligence and managing stress.

Use your support system
Recognize the weaknesses in your approach with toxic people and tap into your support system to gain their perspectives.

What can you do to better manage toxic people who create workplace conflict?

Toxic people attach themselves like cinder blocks tied to your ankles,
and then invite you for a swim in their poisoned waters.― John Mark Green

Top Leadership Challenges

When leaders are doing their best, they Model the Way, Inspire a Shared Vision, Challenge the Process, Enable Others to Act, and Encourage the Heart.–James M. Kouzes

Many studies have been conducted about leadership challenges, and most have quite a few commonalities:

  • Developing effective leadership skills
  • Managing through change
  • Consistently recognizing and rewarding accomplishments
  • Inspiring others
  • Communicating goals and how they can, and must be, supported
  • Building trust within teams and across organizations
  • Being aware of, and having the skills, to address conflict

That’s a relatively short list.  Which do you find most troublesome? Which challenges would you add?

As leaders, we need to be self aware. How do we see ourselves? How do we show-up? Next is the tough part, how do others see us? Answering these questions may add to our personal list of challenges.

To SELF ASSESS, ask yourself:

1.    What’s the purpose of my leadership?
2.    Would my staff feel that I’m committed to their improvement?
3.    Do I feel I make a real difference and feel valued? Would my staff agree?
4.    Do I create and maintain relationships that help the organization thrive and obtain results?
5.    Do I know what’s expected of me and do I deliver on those expectations?
6.    Do others know what I expect of them?
7.    Are my priorities clearly communicated and supported?
8.    Do I take sufficient action to improve individual and team performance?
9.    Am I committed to self development?
10.  Is going to work enjoyable? (at least most of the time?)
11.  What keeps me up at night?
12.  What are my challenges and what am I doing do address them?

As we’ve said before, being a leader is not easy and requires courage. Did you discover anything new from the assessment?

Name at least one leadership challenge you’ll begin to develop, starting today!

If you want to have a significant impact on people, on organizations, and on communities, you’d be wise to invest in learning the behaviors that enable you to become the very best leader you can.
—James M. Kouzes

The Cost Of Conflict

The better team members engage, speak, listen, hear, interpret and respond constructively, the more likely their teams are to leverage conflict rather than be leveled by it.
–Craig Runde and Tim Flanagan

We’re at it again, that is, sharing information about conflict, and the newly published costs for conflict in the workplace.

Based on results published by the Washington Business Journal, the typical manager spends 25 – 40% of his or her time dealing with workplace conflict. That equates to 1-2 days every workweek!

And, the Cost of Workplace Conflict in the U.S. is estimated at $359 Billion annually (2.8 hours per week @ $17.95 per hour).

Do you find this as staggering as we do? We’ve all experienced conflict in the workplace, and some of us are better at managing it than others, but it looks like it’s time we all make addressing conflict a priority.

According to authors Karl A. Slaikeu, Ralph H. Hasson, managing conflict is the largest reducible cost in many businesses, and the most common disruptive behaviors associated with workplace conflict include:

  • Being dismissive
  • Finger-pointing
  • Arguing
  • Not listening
  • Being sarcastic
  • Belittling
  • Gossiping
  • Caving in
  • Being disrespectful
  • Complaining about someone

It’s up to us as leaders to understand how we respond to conflict. We need to increase our awareness of not only our own conflict behaviors, but also those of our colleagues. And lastly, we need to recognize destructive responses and replace them with productive ones.

How well do you manage workplace conflict?  We can help!

If we manage conflict constructively, we harness its energy for creativity and development.
Kenneth Kaye

BAM! You’re A Leader

Courage is the main quality of leadership, in my opinion, no matter where it is exercised.—Walt Disney

Many of us were promoted into leadership positions because we were great at what we did. We excelled in our role, we executed tasks with precision, and we met or exceeded goals and deliverables.

All of a sudden “BAM”; you’ve become a leader with direct reports and are not sure what all is involved. It doesn’t matter that you’re unclear on what’s required in your new role, or that your “people” skills needed to be developed, refined and/or refreshed.  Sound familiar?

Some of us have had the opportunity to have a mentor and be afforded career development opportunities.  Some of us have not had a smooth transition into our new leadership role, and quite honestly have difficulty moving forward.

The good news is that we can help ourselves by learning new tools, and acquiring techniques and methods that are considered to be essential for leadership effectiveness. This can be humbling, and it takes courage for successful professionals and technicians to admit they have gaps to fill.

A good starting point is to increase awareness levels; what’s working well, what is not, what skill-sets need to be updated, and are customer/client needs being met?

We have a complimentary self-assessment that we think you’ll find helpful. You (confidentially) rate yourself in the areas of Awareness, Magic Dust, VMGM = B, Communication, Clarity, Accountability, Conflict, Influence, Relationships, Feedback, Inspiration, and Continual Learning. To request the assessment click here.

After scoring yourself on a ten-point scale (from poor to superb), you will document your strengths and target development areas, and provide names for those you feel can provide you with developmental assistance. It will conclude with you determining “next steps” and timings.

Leadership development requires courage and commitment – and, it’s a process not an event. (We know; you’ve heard this before. Numerous times!)

Why not utilize this leadership roadmap to update your development plan? Take your first step towards courageous leadership today!

LEADERSHIP IS ONLY COURAGE AND WISDOM, AND A GREAT CAREFULNESS OF SELF.
—John Buchan

Sources of Pain

For good ideas and true innovation, you need human interaction, conflict, argument, debate.
–Margaret Heffernan

Sources of pain.  We’re talking about at work.  Do you know people that complicate your ability to delivery and achieve goals? Do they deflate the energy of those they work with?

Perhaps they are:

  • Disruptive
  • Antagonistic
  • Over committers
  • Under performers
  • Not reliable
  • Lacking accountability
  • Finger pointers
  • Not accepting of differences or change
  • Exhibits dictatorial behaviors

Some refer to these difficult individuals as sources of pain, and the situation/behavior that creates the difficulty must be managed (and the sooner the better).

Here are a few tips that can help:

  • Evaluate whether you could have misunderstood the behavior
  • Try to understand the intention behind the action
  • Be respectful and factual – share your perception with the “source of pain” using facts
  • Assess whether you are the only one experiencing the issue
  • Don’t focus only on the negative; could it just be a bad day or is it a consistent problem?
  • Don’t wait; address it immediately

Human interactions often include conflict, (simply a difference of opinion/perspective) and this can be inspiring, energizing, and thought provoking.

Just remember that it’s up to us as leaders to address any actions/behaviors that negatively impact our ability to obtain desired results.

Are there any sources of pain you need to address?

QWIKTIPS – click to read about 5 Common Leadership Mistakes

Are You An Avoider?

The whole business starts with ideas, and we’re convinced that ideas come out of an environment of supportive conflict, which is synonymous with appropriate friction.—Michael Eisner, former Disney CEO

Many leaders struggle with addressing conflict – are you one of them? Would you consider yourself an “avoider”?

As leaders, we need to understand the different styles of conflict and their appropriate usage, and we need to remember that conflict is simply any situation where one’s concerns or desires differ from those of another.

Having teams that engage in healthy conflict can promote growth. Team members that feel they are in a “safe” environment will not only build upon the ideas of others, but will be comfortable presenting opposing views and share thoughts that can inspire and promote new ways of thinking.

Avoiding addressing conflict has its appropriate time and place, but most often, leaders that are “avoiders” are labeled as weak, unassertive and uncooperative.  That’s not always the case!

When avoiding is appropriate:

  • When there’s a need to obtain additional details / facts
  • When emotions are high and those involved need to cool down in order to think rationally
  • When the conflict is being addressed in a healthy manner and an “intervention” is not required by you!
  • When the timing is “not right” (ex. location, attendees, sensitive nature)

Conflict in the workplace is unavoidable; what’s key is to prevent the conflict from escalating into an unhealthy situation. Productivity, communication, collaboration, inspiration, morale, and growth will all suffer if not properly managed.

Your response to managing and addressing conflict is entirely up to you. Understand the styles of conflict and when to effectively use them, and empower yourself and others to manage conflict in a healthy, honoring, respectful way.

And yes, being an “avoider” has a time and place!

THIS WEEK’S QWIKTIP!

Click to read more about CONFLICT MODES

Employee Excellence

Exceptional employees don’t possess God-given personality traits; they rely on simple, everyday EQ skills that anyone can incorporate into their repertoire.
—Travis Bradberry

How would you define employee excellence? What role do you play to ensure “excellence” comes alive and is leveraged? Travis Bradberry, author of 10 Ways To Spot A Truly Exceptional Employee feels emotional intelligence (EQ) is the key.

Emotional intelligence is the genuine ability to feel emotions, understand what you’re feeling and why, understand how others are feeling, and respond appropriately. And, the best part is that we can increase our EQ through self-development.

Having a high EQ builds relationships and fosters communication and consists of the following 4 areas:

Self Awareness (critical when engaging in communication)
Self Management (key for managing emotions in difficult situations)
Social Awareness (leverages awareness of others to perform at their peak)
Relationship Management (manages relationships to increase job performance and integrates EQ professionally and personally)

Bradberry says the following about exceptional employees:

1.    They neutralize toxic people. Exceptional employees control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check and confront the toxic person rationally.

2.    They’re marketable. Exceptional employees are well liked and have integrity and can be trusted to represent the brand well.

3.    They’re accountable. They own their work, their decisions, and all of their results—good or bad.

4.    They recognize when things are broken and fix them. They see problems as issues to be fixed immediately and don’t walk past the problem.

5.    They’re never satisfied. Exceptional employees have unparalleled convictions that things can always be better.

6.    They’re in control of their egos. They’re willing to admit when they’re wrong and are willing to do things someone else’s way to improve results (or the situation).

7.    They’re judiciously courageous. Exceptional employees are willing to speak up when others are not, and they balance this with common sense and timing.

8.    They focus. They can differentiate between real problems and background noise; therefore, they stay focused on what matters.

9.    They can tolerate conflict. While exceptional employees don’t seek conflict, they don’t run away from it either. They maintain their composure in pursuit of the greater goal.

10.   They’re willing to delay gratification. Exceptional employees work outside the boundaries of job descriptions and are not dependent on recognition to do so.

Does your development planning include growing emotional intelligence levels? If you want to increase employee excellence, you may want want to consider it!

THIS WEEK’S QWIKTIP!

Click to read more about EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Team Magic

If you had to pick one word to describe the culture of your team what would it be?

  • Collaborative?
  • Energized?
  • Motivated?
  • Committed?

Last week we talked about the “Magic Dust” of individuals; what about the “Magic Dust” of teams?

Team members have a need to truly know one another.  What do they like?  What do they find annoying?  What assignments come easy to each person? What assignments are dreaded?

Successful teams are familiar with Patrick Lencioni’s required behaviors (TRUST, COMMITMENT, ACCOUNTABILITY, attention to RESULTS, and healthy CONFLICT), but the culture of truly knowing and caring about one another is also essential.

Take the time to discover “Team Magic“. You’ll find that when personal and professional connections are made, more is accomplished and the work culture is more enjoyable.

When’s the last time you:

  • Conducted a team assessment?
  • Held a team building event?
  • Solicited team feedback?

Maybe it’s time to take your team on a Custom Team Journey so you can discover and leverage Team Magic!

Aware Or Out Of Touch?

Awareness is the ability to perceive, to feel, or to be conscious of events, objects, thoughts, emotions, or sensory patterns . . . it is the state or quality of being aware of something.—Wikipedia

Effective and successful leaders are aware of their skills and gaps, the skills and gaps of those they lead and interact with, and they are also aware of their work culture.

They understand and appreciate differing styles, and they are aware of the pulse on the floor.  How are the satisfaction levels? Does there seem to be negativity in the break room?  Do people speak up or have they gone quiet?

Think about the following topics:

Communication – is it clear, timely, and delivered with sufficient details?

Responsiveness – not everyone processes communication and events as quickly as others. Become aware of who is able to respond immediately, versus those that need more time to process and reflect.

Managing conflict –  conflict is simply differing opinions. However, how conflict is managed can range from avoidance to always butting heads and the need to “win”. Be aware of preferred styles and when they are properly or improperly applied. (All conflict styles matter; it’s knowing when each style is most effective).

Dealing with change – is it embraced or resisted?

Start by assessing yourself.  Which of the above would you say are your strengths? What are the areas to develop?

Next, think about your team as a whole.

  • What do you feel is the major strength?
  • What is one thing you would like to see change?
  • What is the top area of development?
  • If you had to sum up the culture in one word, what would it be?

How aware are you? Don’t neglect increasing your awareness levels! Click here to request a self-assessment (you’ll rate your skills and abilities in 12 areas).

THIS WEEK’S QWIKTIP!

WANT TO BE A BETTER LEADER?  Click here to read more!