Leaders developing leaders.

Interpersonal Skills

Listening While Working Remote

The art of conversation lies in listening.
–Malcom Forbes

Listening takes work, it’s a skill most of us could improve upon, and working remotely adds to the difficulty.

Wiley’s Personal Listening Profile assesses five listening approaches:

  1. Appreciative: This style is more relaxed and seeks enjoyment, entertainment, or inspiration.
  2. Empathic: This style is supportive of the speaker, does not judge, and seeks to learn.
  3. Comprehensive: With this style the listener relates what they hear to what they’re already familiar with by organizing and summarizing the main message.
  4. Discerning: This style listens to get complete information so they understand the important details while also taking in appearance, tone and behavior.
  5. Evaluative: This style tends to look for facts that support the message and may accept or reject the message based on personal beliefs.

Does one style sound more like you than the others? Does your style change dependent on the speaker? And, does your preferred style change if the conversation is in person versus on conference or video calls?

These tips for working remotely have been shared previously but they’re worth sharing again:

  • For video calls encourage that the camera be “on” whenever possible and look for body language and levels of engagement
  • Listen for what’s being said and what isn’t being said
  • Don’t immediately assess what you’ve heard until the conversation has ended (we sometimes are too quick to think we understand and miss key points)
  • Avoid multi-tasking
  • Look attentive and interested in the speaker; nod for understanding and encouragement
  • Paraphrase your interpretation of the topic/message
  • Minimize or tune out distractions
  • Remain focused and attentiveStrong listening skills are required for effective communication and healthy relationships.  Be aware of your preferred style, adapt as necessary, and become an active and purposeful listener!

We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less.
–Diogenes

Introvert, Extravert, or Ambivert?

We all move along the continuum of introvert and extrovert
behaviors and preferences all day long.
–Patricia Weber

Do you consider yourself an introvert or extravert?  Maybe neither? Perhaps a bit of both? Here are some common adjectives:

Extravert:                               Introvert:
Sociable                                     Shy
Outgoing                                   Withdrawn
Gregarious                                Reserved
Friendly                                     Quiet
Assertive                                   Timid
Live wire                                   Introspective
Dominant                                  Cautious

Swiss psychiatrist Carl G. Jung first came up with the terms in the early 1900s and believed some of us are energized by the external world and some of us are energized by the internal world. What if we’re a blend?

Have you heard the term Ambivert? It’s defined as “a person whose personality has a balance of extravert and introvert features”.  Adam Grant, an organizational psychologist and professor at Wharton conducted a study and found that two-thirds of us don’t strongly identify as introverts or extraverts. Rather, our style varies based on the situation.

Rena Goldman, a health and wellness author provides five signs that you’re an ambivert.

1. You’re a good listener and communicator
Extraverts prefer to talk more, and introverts like to observe and listen. But ambiverts know when to speak up and when to listen.

2. You have an ability to regulate behavior
Adjusting to fit the person or situation seems to come naturally to ambiverts.

3. You feel comfortable in social settings, but also value your alone time
Ambiverts can feel like they’re in their element in a crowd or when enjoying a quiet evening at home.

4. Empathy comes naturally to you
Ambiverts are able to listen and show they understand where a person is coming from and they might listen and ask thoughtful questions to try and help resolve issues.

5. You’re able to provide balance
In the case of group settings, ambiverts can provide a much-needed balance to the social dynamics and is likely to help break an awkward silence and increase comfort levels.

We all have our preferences, neither is right or wrong, and the ability to adapt our style to the situation is a true sign of effective leadership!

I’m neither extrovert nor introvert. I’m just an imperfect example of an ambivert.
― Irfa Rahat

Relationships and Staying Connected

Everything we do right now — from sending emails to making calls to sending texts — is more important than ever. How we make people feel now is going to linger longer than these turbulent times.—Barbara Palmer

No doubt about it, work relationships are essential. It doesn’t matter if you’re a small business or work for a large corporation, are self-employed, or work in the service industry. All require that we stay connected and show genuine interest in those we interact with.

Networking and building relationships have changed in our current world. We still need to consider and connect with customers/clients, suppliers/buyers, shareholders/stakeholders,  and maybe public figures, vendors, and government agencies. Regardless of your line of work, you can’t let relationships go cold.

It’s not a good time to invite others to lunch or jointly attend a conference, but you can use email, social media, or zoom/webex, etc to have casual check-ins. Simply asking how they are doing and sharing wishes that their co-workers and family members are well opens doors and creates a connection. You can also ask about their line of work; many are suffering and a friendly ear that simply listens is valuable. Listen more than you talk!

For those that you have less frequent contact with, keep track of when you’ve last reached out to them. Jot down notes about your last connection and personalize the follow up for future touch points. (There are many tools available to use and even excel can be helpful to track names, dates and topics).

And, you can’t forget about those you work with on a daily basis: direct reports, colleagues, co-workers, bosses, outsource partners, etc.  What are you doing to stay connected and show you care about them? Most all are getting weary with “isolation”, and in the past vacation time was used to refresh and have a change of scenery. This is no longer the case; a friend pointed out that very few are taking time off as how that time is spent is limited. Most want fun, travel, or rest and relaxation in a desirable setting and those options are mostly on hold.

If you’re a leader, make your connection more than just about work assignments and quality reviews. There are many jokes, comics, and images that can be shared to make each day brighter and create a chuckle. Who wouldn’t appreciate something to smile about?

Relationships are the basis for all of life’s rewards and struggles.
–Lee Colan

Colleagues You Want Around

Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success
will be how you treat people – your family, friends, and coworkers,
and even strangers you meet along the way.
–Barbara Bush

What type of co-workers do you like to surround yourself with? Probably those who have the necessary skills to contribute to goal attainment, but what else? Common desired skills include the ability to trust, the desire for results, being accountable, but there’s more.

What about someone that is just fun to be around and has an upbeat personality?

Here are excerpts from Travis Bradberry’s 11 Secrets of Irresistible People:

1.They treat EVERYONE with respect.
Irresistible people treat everyone with respect because they
believe they’re no better than anyone else.

2.They follow the Platinum Rule.
Not the Golden Rule, rather it’s treating others as they want to be treated

3.They ditch the small talk.
Irresistible people create connections and find depth even in short, everyday conversations

4.They focus on people more than anything else.
Irresistible people possess an authentic interest in those around them

5.They don’t try too hard.
Irresistible people don’t make it all about them

6.They recognize the difference between fact and opinion.
Irresistible people recognize that people may see things
differently

7.They are authentic.
They know that no one likes a fake

8.They have integrity.
They avoid talking bad about other people, and they do the right thing

9.They smile.
Smiling during conversations will likely have the other person do the same

10.They make an effort to look their best.
Looking your best is a sign of respect for those you interact with

11.They find reasons to love life.
They approach problems as temporary obstacles, not inescapable fate

Are you the type of colleague you’d want to surround yourself with? Is there anything you’d like to change?

Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts
will inevitably bring about right results.
—James Allen

Building Business Relationships

Loosening your grip on your point of view and exploring the whys, whats, and hows of what others think requires discipline – and it’s a habit of the best relationship builders.
— Jim Haudan

It’s been reported that 85% of job success is due to well-developed soft and people skills, with technical skills and knowledge only accounting for 15% of work success (per research conducted by Harvard University, the Carnegie Foundation and Stanford Research Center).
And, the most critical component is to have strong and lasting relationships.

For some, building relationships comes natural (and easily), for others it requires effort and causes awkwardness.  Yes, our innate skills and abilities influence this, but with focus, intent, and purpose, everyone has the ability to create lasting relationships.

Being viewed as authentic and “real” is a good way to get started, and so is being respectful. For business relationships, assess shared goals and how they can be mutually supported. Listen to what others have to say, collaborate, and be open to new perspectives.

Once relationships are created, side benefits include improved communication, teamwork, no finger pointing, and increased productivity. Conflict is healthy, colleagues are willing to speak up (versus shutting down), levels of accountability grow, and problems are jointly resolved. Work becomes more enjoyable, and going to work might even be viewed as fun!

Do others view you as approachable? Do they make an effort to sit by you in meetings? What about asking for your opinion or perspective on something? Maybe even ask you to lunch? And conversely, who do you view as approachable? Who do you choose to sit next to? Whose opinion do you value? Why?

Make it a habit to be aware of how others are behaving. Do they seem distracted? Could they be having a bad day? Show genuine interest, applaud successes and support failures (or issues), and the relationship will evolve naturally.

Do you have sustained business relationships? Is there any soft skill you’d like to develop?

People who are great at inventing things, and have high creativity, often don’t have strong interpersonal skills or interests.—Martin Zwilling

Conflict or Synergy In A Multi Generational Workplace

Managing multi-generational workforces is an art in itself. Young workers want to make a quick impact, the middle generation needs to believe in the mission,
and older employees don’t like ambivalence.– Eric J. McNully

Does your workplace consist of a blend of multi generations? Do the differences add synergy or perhaps increase conflict? Let’s break it down into 5 generations (as reported by Katrina Plourde):

  • Silent Generation – born during the Great Depression and WWII (1925-1942)
  • Baby Boomers (1943-1964)
  • Generation X  (1965-1976)
  • Generation Y  (1977-1994)
  • Millennials      (1994 – )The intent is not to label people, but rather share the perceptions of what each generation is known for.The Silent Generation was considered hard working, optimistic, accountable, financially savvy, and optimistic about the future.

    Baby Boomers are considered to have strong workplace and family ideals and traditions, are relatively active, and uncertain what the future may hold.

    Gen X folks are thought to live in the present, like to experiment, desire immediate results, and may question authority. They also may be selfish and cynical.

    Gen Y / Millenials. Some consider these one and the same. Both are considered materialistic, selfish, and maybe even disrespectful. They are aware of the world, are technologically savvy, and may feel a sense of entitlement with high workplace expectations.

    It’s not all flattering, and we know these are generalizations, but the work culture may be impacted. As leaders, do you view this as an opportunity so the strengths of each generation can be leveraged, or do you view it as a thorn, and not quite certain what (if anything) you need to do?

    Consider if your team is truly a team or if it consists of a group of individuals with their own agenda. Do they have shared goals and do they work together to achieve them? Do they willingly share their skills and listen for the value others bring to the team? Can they be candid with one another and discus differences/conflict in a healthy manner?

    Bottom line, what are you doing to create synergy within your multi generational workplace?

The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.—Lee Iacocca

The Cost Of Conflict

The better team members engage, speak, listen, hear, interpret and respond constructively, the more likely their teams are to leverage conflict rather than be leveled by it.
–Craig Runde and Tim Flanagan

We’re at it again, that is, sharing information about conflict, and the newly published costs for conflict in the workplace.

Based on results published by the Washington Business Journal, the typical manager spends 25 – 40% of his or her time dealing with workplace conflict. That equates to 1-2 days every workweek!

And, the Cost of Workplace Conflict in the U.S. is estimated at $359 Billion annually (2.8 hours per week @ $17.95 per hour).

Do you find this as staggering as we do? We’ve all experienced conflict in the workplace, and some of us are better at managing it than others, but it looks like it’s time we all make addressing conflict a priority.

According to authors Karl A. Slaikeu, Ralph H. Hasson, managing conflict is the largest reducible cost in many businesses, and the most common disruptive behaviors associated with workplace conflict include:

  • Being dismissive
  • Finger-pointing
  • Arguing
  • Not listening
  • Being sarcastic
  • Belittling
  • Gossiping
  • Caving in
  • Being disrespectful
  • Complaining about someone

It’s up to us as leaders to understand how we respond to conflict. We need to increase our awareness of not only our own conflict behaviors, but also those of our colleagues. And lastly, we need to recognize destructive responses and replace them with productive ones.

How well do you manage workplace conflict?  We can help!

If we manage conflict constructively, we harness its energy for creativity and development.
Kenneth Kaye

Managing “UP”

Managing “UP” requires that you manage to the expectations of your boss:
Know their priorities. Speak their language. Anticipate their needs. Be truthful and don’t BS them.
Contract properly at the end of a meeting.–Achim Nowak

How do you feel about the leadership skills you possess?  Would you rate yourself “average”, “above average”,  or maybe even “below average”?

When you rated yourself, which skills did you consider?  Did you limit it to those that impact the  interactions and relationships with your direct reports and perhaps your peers?  What we often forget to include is the critical relationship required with our boss.

In a prior tip, we shared the need to:

  1. Learn your boss’ communication style. – What level of detail do they prefer?
  2. Be proactive – share strengths and ideas and create an executable plan.
  3. Meet regularly – discuss progress against goals and areas for improvement.
  4. Ask for your boss’ opinion – Ask for their perspective on things.
  5. Go to your boss with solutions – ask for help when needed, but do your “homework”.
  6. Develop a power that makes you attractive – stay apprised of changes in your industry, understand your competitors, have a strong customer/business partner relationship. Be indispensable.
  7. Address problems – talk about your differences; remain fact based; keep your emotions in check.
  8. Play devil’s advocate – share your different perspective; say “Let me play devil’s advocate” and add new perspectives.

Nowak also suggests “appreciating UP“. Let your boss know that you appreciate him/her. Be authentic; provide genuine feedback. “Bosses rarely receive a word of praise or appreciation. From anyone. Yes, it’s lonely at the top, in more ways than one“.

In order to “Manage UP“, it’s up to us to build a strong relationship with our boss. We need to ensure our expectations are aligned, that we have a clear understanding of our organization’s vision, mission, and goals, that all of our behaviors support them, that we are committed to making a difference, and that we communicate the role we play!

Are there are any leadership relationship skills you’d like to enhance?

Managing up is about earning the trust and respect of your boss by working together with that person to create the best possible working relationship.
—Lisa Quast

Mentally Tough

Mental toughness is a choice and a discipline, not an innate quality bestowed upon the lucky.
–Travis Bradberry

Would you consider yourself mentally tough?  How well do you manage and learn from the errors/failures that occur? What about when dealing with difficult people? From a job that takes all of your energy, and then some?

Let’s face it, we all have those kind of days when everything just seems “off”; it’s how we manage it that counts.

Dr. Travis Bradberry suggests that regardless of the challenges we encounter, we need to remain mentally tough, see new opportunities, and take action.

He also shared that individuals that are truly mentally tough possess the following qualities:

  1. They’re emotionally intelligent
  2. They’re confident
  3. They neutralize toxic people
  4. They embrace change
  5. They say no
  6. They know fear is the No. 1 source of regret
  7. They embrace failure
  8. They don’t dwell on mistakes
  9. They won’t let anyone limit their joy
  10. They don’t limit the joy of others
  11. They exercise
  12. They get enough sleep
  13. They limit their caffeine intake
  14. They don’t wait for an apology to forgive
  15. They’re relentlessly positive

We need to realize we can’t control everything (that’s hard for some of us!), but we can focus our energy on those things that we can influence, and take action on.

Of the 15 items listed, which challenge your ability to be mentally tough?

You have good days, you have bad days. But the main thing is to grow mentally.
– Floyd Mayweather, Jr

Savvy Relationship Skills

You can’t talk your way out of a problem you behaved your way into!
—Stephen Covey

It’s relatively easy to be savvy with those you have a relationship with, but how do you go about building a meaningful relationship?

FYI – For Your Improvement  authors, Michael Lombardo &  Robert Eichinger, share the following tips:

  • Look for and appreciate the differences in others and use those differences for everyone’s benefit.
  • Craft how you approach another person by observing them first.
  • Work on being open, approachable, and put others at ease by listening and sharing and valuing their opinion.
  • Ask clarifying questions, restate what they said, and don’t immediately judge an opinion.
  • Manage your non verbal communication.  Make eye contact, stay focused on that person and nod as others speak to stay engaged.
  • Separate the person from a difficult issue.  Ask what is bothersome to that person or ask what they feel you could do or say to help.

A great goal to strive for is that onlookers shouldn’t be able to tell if you’re interacting with a friend, someone you just met, or a person you have an adversarial relationship with.   That’s not easy but it can be done!

And, when you do experience adversarial relationships, look for common interests and don’t disregard differing thoughts and opinions. Keeping your cool, listening, and allowing others to vent will assist with decreasing stress levels and diffuse tense situations.

Do you invest time and skill in building and maintaining savvy relationships?

The key to getting along with all kinds of people is to hold back or neutralize your personal reactions and focus on others first. – Michael Lombardo &  Robert Eichinger