Leaders developing leaders.

Interpersonal Skills

The Cost Of Conflict

The better team members engage, speak, listen, hear, interpret and respond constructively, the more likely their teams are to leverage conflict rather than be leveled by it.
–Craig Runde and Tim Flanagan

We’re at it again, that is, sharing information about conflict, and the newly published costs for conflict in the workplace.

Based on results published by the Washington Business Journal, the typical manager spends 25 – 40% of his or her time dealing with workplace conflict. That equates to 1-2 days every workweek!

And, the Cost of Workplace Conflict in the U.S. is estimated at $359 Billion annually (2.8 hours per week @ $17.95 per hour).

Do you find this as staggering as we do? We’ve all experienced conflict in the workplace, and some of us are better at managing it than others, but it looks like it’s time we all make addressing conflict a priority.

According to authors Karl A. Slaikeu, Ralph H. Hasson, managing conflict is the largest reducible cost in many businesses, and the most common disruptive behaviors associated with workplace conflict include:

  • Being dismissive
  • Finger-pointing
  • Arguing
  • Not listening
  • Being sarcastic
  • Belittling
  • Gossiping
  • Caving in
  • Being disrespectful
  • Complaining about someone

It’s up to us as leaders to understand how we respond to conflict. We need to increase our awareness of not only our own conflict behaviors, but also those of our colleagues. And lastly, we need to recognize destructive responses and replace them with productive ones.

How well do you manage workplace conflict?  We can help!

If we manage conflict constructively, we harness its energy for creativity and development.
Kenneth Kaye

Managing “UP”

Managing “UP” requires that you manage to the expectations of your boss:
Know their priorities. Speak their language. Anticipate their needs. Be truthful and don’t BS them.
Contract properly at the end of a meeting.–Achim Nowak

How do you feel about the leadership skills you possess?  Would you rate yourself “average”, “above average”,  or maybe even “below average”?

When you rated yourself, which skills did you consider?  Did you limit it to those that impact the  interactions and relationships with your direct reports and perhaps your peers?  What we often forget to include is the critical relationship required with our boss.

In a prior tip, we shared the need to:

  1. Learn your boss’ communication style. – What level of detail do they prefer?
  2. Be proactive – share strengths and ideas and create an executable plan.
  3. Meet regularly – discuss progress against goals and areas for improvement.
  4. Ask for your boss’ opinion – Ask for their perspective on things.
  5. Go to your boss with solutions – ask for help when needed, but do your “homework”.
  6. Develop a power that makes you attractive – stay apprised of changes in your industry, understand your competitors, have a strong customer/business partner relationship. Be indispensable.
  7. Address problems – talk about your differences; remain fact based; keep your emotions in check.
  8. Play devil’s advocate – share your different perspective; say “Let me play devil’s advocate” and add new perspectives.

Nowak also suggests “appreciating UP“. Let your boss know that you appreciate him/her. Be authentic; provide genuine feedback. “Bosses rarely receive a word of praise or appreciation. From anyone. Yes, it’s lonely at the top, in more ways than one“.

In order to “Manage UP“, it’s up to us to build a strong relationship with our boss. We need to ensure our expectations are aligned, that we have a clear understanding of our organization’s vision, mission, and goals, that all of our behaviors support them, that we are committed to making a difference, and that we communicate the role we play!

Are there are any leadership relationship skills you’d like to enhance?

Managing up is about earning the trust and respect of your boss by working together with that person to create the best possible working relationship.
—Lisa Quast

Mentally Tough

Mental toughness is a choice and a discipline, not an innate quality bestowed upon the lucky.
–Travis Bradberry

Would you consider yourself mentally tough?  How well do you manage and learn from the errors/failures that occur? What about when dealing with difficult people? From a job that takes all of your energy, and then some?

Let’s face it, we all have those kind of days when everything just seems “off”; it’s how we manage it that counts.

Dr. Travis Bradberry suggests that regardless of the challenges we encounter, we need to remain mentally tough, see new opportunities, and take action.

He also shared that individuals that are truly mentally tough possess the following qualities:

  1. They’re emotionally intelligent
  2. They’re confident
  3. They neutralize toxic people
  4. They embrace change
  5. They say no
  6. They know fear is the No. 1 source of regret
  7. They embrace failure
  8. They don’t dwell on mistakes
  9. They won’t let anyone limit their joy
  10. They don’t limit the joy of others
  11. They exercise
  12. They get enough sleep
  13. They limit their caffeine intake
  14. They don’t wait for an apology to forgive
  15. They’re relentlessly positive

We need to realize we can’t control everything (that’s hard for some of us!), but we can focus our energy on those things that we can influence, and take action on.

Of the 15 items listed, which challenge your ability to be mentally tough?

You have good days, you have bad days. But the main thing is to grow mentally.
– Floyd Mayweather, Jr

Savvy Relationship Skills

You can’t talk your way out of a problem you behaved your way into!
—Stephen Covey

It’s relatively easy to be savvy with those you have a relationship with, but how do you go about building a meaningful relationship?

FYI – For Your Improvement  authors, Michael Lombardo &  Robert Eichinger, share the following tips:

  • Look for and appreciate the differences in others and use those differences for everyone’s benefit.
  • Craft how you approach another person by observing them first.
  • Work on being open, approachable, and put others at ease by listening and sharing and valuing their opinion.
  • Ask clarifying questions, restate what they said, and don’t immediately judge an opinion.
  • Manage your non verbal communication.  Make eye contact, stay focused on that person and nod as others speak to stay engaged.
  • Separate the person from a difficult issue.  Ask what is bothersome to that person or ask what they feel you could do or say to help.

A great goal to strive for is that onlookers shouldn’t be able to tell if you’re interacting with a friend, someone you just met, or a person you have an adversarial relationship with.   That’s not easy but it can be done!

And, when you do experience adversarial relationships, look for common interests and don’t disregard differing thoughts and opinions. Keeping your cool, listening, and allowing others to vent will assist with decreasing stress levels and diffuse tense situations.

Do you invest time and skill in building and maintaining savvy relationships?

The key to getting along with all kinds of people is to hold back or neutralize your personal reactions and focus on others first. – Michael Lombardo &  Robert Eichinger

The Enforcer

Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success will be how you treat other people – your family, friends, and coworkers, and even strangers you meet along the way.—Barbara Bush

This week Barbara Bush, both the wife and mother of former U.S. Presidents, passed away.  She was known for her humor (sometimes biting), her fondness for wearing pearls, and she was lovingly referred to as “the enforcer”.

Although not a political leader, she was a leader in her own right. She focused on nonpartisan social issues, and volunteered and promoted causes that would especially help children.

Mrs. Bush’s quote reminded us of another quote: I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.— Maya Angelou

As leaders, we’ll at some point find it necessary to deliver tough messages, but it can be done in an honoring way and with aplomb. We may need to practice our delivery to ensure our message is clearly understood, that it is delivered with compassion, and that those impacted are not left feeling that they were treated disrespectfully.

In the past we’ve highlighted behaviors that Jim Rohn (author and motivational speaker) identified as key leadership traits, and it never hurts to repeat them:

  • Learn to be strong but not impolite
  • Learn to be kind but not weak
  • Learn to be bold but not a bully
  • Learn to be humble but not timid
  • Learn to be proud but not arrogant
  • Learn to develop humor without folly
  • Learn to deal in realities

Depending on the situation and the role we play, we too may be viewed as an enforcer, but if we apply our leadership skills effectively, our “yardstick of success” for how we treat others can still be favorable.

THIS WEEK’S QWIKTIP!

QWIKTIPS – click here to read more about MAKING A DIFFERENCE

Conflict – Is It Productive?

Your response to conflict situations is entirely in your own control.

We talk a lot about conflict in the workplace.  Why? It’s reality. The next question: Is it productive? You bet! Problems arise when the conflict is not handled in a healthy, honoring way.

We’ve previously shared Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann’s 5 modes of conflict: COMPETING, ACCOMMODATING, AVOIDING, COLLABORATING and COMPROMISING.

All modes serve a purpose; what’s important is using the most effective mode to address the conflict at hand.

Conflict can be complex. Besides utilizing the most effective style, we need to understand our emotions and triggers as well as understand the behaviors of those we’re interacting with. It’s also a priority that we curb our destructive behaviors.

Enter Wiley. Many of you are familiar with the DiSC styles (Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, and Conscientiousness). Wiley is currently developing a tool to improve self-awareness around conflict behaviors.

The awareness will include our natural preference to engage versus restrain from conflict, examples of how each DiSC style is likely to influence conflict, and our tendencies to engage in both productive and destructive behaviors (with solutions for maximizing the “productive” and minimizing the “destructive”).

We are currently participating in the beta testing, look forward to learning even more, and can’t wait to be able to share it with you!

QWIKTIPS – click below

Conflict: Address, Avoid, or Leverage?

For good ideas and true innovation, you need human interaction, conflict, argument, debate.  Margaret Heffernan

Difficult Conversations

Conducting a difficult conversation is quite frankly, difficult. As a result, we frequently let it fall to the bottom of our “to do” list, which only makes the situation worse (and allows our own anxiety to grow!).

Studies show that avoiding these conversations impacts productivity, morale, and retention rates, yet little is done it build the skills needed that help.

Our preferred styles and behaviors impact our skill level, but we’ve found that regardless of the leadership style, almost everyone struggles with this.

As you become a more senior leader, you spend more time having difficult conversations.
–Sheila Heen

Here are some tips that will help:

  • Avoid conducting the conversation in the midst of emotions and conflict.
  • Stay focused and identify your objective.
    • What do you want to accomplish as a result of your conversation?
    • How do you want the relationship to proceed?

Describe the behavior/situation objectively.

  • Use concrete terms and be specific about the issue you’re addressing.
  • Focus on the specific behavior, not the personality of the person.
  • Include the specific time(s), place, and frequency of the behavior.

Share the impacts of the issue (on products, services, co-workers).

  • Remain calm and deliver your message in a healthy, respectful manner.
  • Are consequences appropriate?

Expect and plan for objections/detours/obstacles.

  • Don’t get off track; restate your desired goal and expectations

Communicating in the midst of emotions and conflict requires effort.

  • Stay focused and avoid becoming combative (we know how difficult that can be!); actively listen, and respond to what is being communicated.

After you conduct your conversation remember to summarize your specific agreement, and if appropriate, schedule a follow-up session.

What kinds of conversations keep you up at night? Make conducting them a priority!

“PeopleTek’s Leadership Journey – The Gift That Keeps On Giving!”
–Radha N. Krishnan, 2015 Leadership Journey Alumnus

QwikTip and QwikCoach

QwikTips Powered by e-Coach – Develop Others!

And for those with a QwikCoach license, refresh your existing skills and acquire new skills by visiting the QwikTips library for leadership ideas and techniques.

If you don’t have QwikCoach, it’s an excellent resource for growing your leadership skills remotely that you should consider.

Learn More About QwikCoach

Help turn your leadership knowledge into leadership action!

Relationships – Not to be Ignored

How effective are you at working with and supporting others? Whether the interaction is with your manager, customer, direct reports, or coworkers, there’s a need and a benefit to influence and nurture relationships.

An effective leader is proficient in managing and strengthening relationships and understands the need to build networks. They also possess the ability to find common ground and build rapport to drive results and improve satisfaction levels.

Leadership: It’s not something you do to people, it’s something you do with people.
–Patricia Zigarmi and Drea Zigarmi

Over 300 managers and executives across the globe were asked if the definition of leadership had changed in the past five years. 84 percent responded yes, and attributed it to having more complex challenges resulting in hardships for their organizations.

Despite the challenges, there was a side benefit: greater collaboration, improved work processes, and expanded work boundaries. Yet an interesting point is that only 47 percent of managers queried believed that collaboration was a skill leaders in their organization demonstrated.

How could this be? Consider the nature and speed of work that is now required by most professions. How many allow time to develop relationships, or invest in the time and expense to develop the necessary skills?

The role of a leader is evolving. There are more female leaders in the workplace, and women in general are found to be more collaborative than their male counterparts. And it’s said that innovation is sparked by collaborative efforts, which are key for remaining competitive (and staying in business!).

Leaders need to listen to, observe, and understand what motivates those they interact with. They need to understand intent, be knowledgeable of skill-sets, and have a foundation of trust to maintain strong relationships.

The number one failure to succeed has been attributed to the inability to build a strong team (or relationship), followed by the leader not being a good fit with the work culture.

In order to succeed you must first have clear and shared goals and objectives. There cannot be conflicting agendas, and the “right” person needs to be assigned to the “right” role.

There has to be a “want” to create an environment where teamwork and collaboration are not only encouraged, but allowed to support goals utilizing the skills and expertise of all team members.

People want to be appreciated, listened to, and have a sense you care about them (not about only obtaining results).

Don’t ignore building and sustaining strong and lasting relationships!

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.
–Carl W. Buechner

QwikTip and QwikCoach

PeopleTek’s Strategic partner, E-Coach, specializes in online coaching tools.

QwikTip for Using a Cooperative Approach

And for those with a QwikCoach license, refresh your existing skills and acquire new skills by visiting the QwikTips library for leadership ideas and techniques.

If you don’t have QwikCoach, it’s an excellent resource for growing your leadership skills remotely that you should consider.

Learn More About QwikCoach

Help turn your leadership knowledge into leadership action!

Did You Know?

Graduates of PeopleTek’s Leadership Journey Earn:

  • IT Professionals: 19 priSM CPD credits
  • Human Resource SPHR/PHR/GPHR: 19 HR (General) credit hours
  • Project Managers: PMI – up to 37 hours / 3 PSM level points
  • Executive Coaches: 18 ICF CCE’s (Core Competencies) & 5 ICF CCE’s (Resource Development)

Leaders Have Heart

Sometimes we don’t know what leaders are doing. They’re not always visible, their efforts are frequently behind the scenes, and too often only accomplishments are recognized.

Even when they are visible, our view is limited to seeing them perform their “normal” tasks at work. We don’t know all the great things done behind the scenes. Our own Roger Sandals is one of those people. He has a heart of gold and shows it in his actions to help others.

Great leadership usually starts with a willing heart, a positive attitude, and a desire to make a difference.
–Mac Anderson

In the PeopleTek world, Roger over-sees our finances. Outside of PeopleTek, Roger takes an active leadership role in the community.

One of our mottos is: Leadership is taking and empowering people to go where they’ve never gone and wouldn’t go by themselves.

Roger lives this motto!  One of his personal goals is to help others have a better quality of life for themselves, and those they interact with.

Roger holds 12 step meetings for individuals that want to take control of their lives and put an addiction behind them. He has been running meetings for many years and actively helps people stay on the road of alcohol and drug recovery.

Recently, Roger came up with the idea to start a not for profit organization that will assist people with alcohol problems that have no access to a recovery center. While the planning is in the initial stages, Roger is working hard to obtain support and establish a framework that will have long term benefits.

He is a silent leader, and does these things since they feel right to him and provide value to others. He’s not looking for validation or rewards; he just wants to make a difference. These types of individuals deserve to be recognized for the value they provide as they truly exude the definition of leadership.

When a person acts from their heart they:

  • Are truly concerned about the well-being of others
  • Possess a strong desire to help others succeed
  • Understand set-backs and encourage rather than demoralize
  • Jointly celebrate milestone successes
  • Are always willing to listen and not judge

We think everyone would benefit from having a “Roger” in their life!  Are you a “Roger” to anyone personally or professionally?

Diversity and Differences

When you hear the word “diversity”, what comes to mind?  Per the Bing dictionary, it can mean a “variety of something such as opinion, color, or style”, it can be “ethnic variety, as well as socioeconomic and gender variety, in a group, society, or institution”, and it can be “a discrepancy, or a difference from what is normal or expected”.

We had the privilege to attend two conferences for Alpha Kappa Psi, a co-ed business fraternity with brothers from across the country, and in England.  In one of the sessions, the topic of becoming more diverse was identified as a goal.

“Our greatest strength as a human race is our ability to acknowledge our differences, our greatest weakness is our failure to embrace them.”

Judith Henderson

Diversity and Differences . . .

Knowledge, acceptance, and awareness were identified as key factors for becoming more diverse by the fraternity brothers. How accepting are you of differences?  Would you consider yourself and your organization to be diverse?

Before you answer, think about what comes to mind when topics related to diversity and differences surface. Do you think about race, culture, age, gender, sexual orientation and disabilities?

Do you also think about accents, education, physical size, spiritual orientation, and political preferences?

Differences are limitless. What’s key is our awareness and respect for how these differences strengthens our team and our organization.

We all have biases and filters. What we suggest is taking the time to examine our biases and recognize the impacts differences have on attitudes and actions with the ultimate goal to appreciate and utilize what’s different.

Dr. Martin Davidson, Associate Dean and Chief Diversity Officer for the Darden School provides the following:

Diversity has the potential to elevate performance, both individually and collectively. When it is engaged and managed well, difference provides unparalleled benefits in performance, innovation, and satisfaction . . .

Diversity challenges us to examine our values. Real harmony emerges in a diverse community only after the members of that community have challenged one another, listened to one another, felt reactive and frustrated with one another, and experienced empathy and understanding with one another, even when our positions are irreconcilable.

Diversity provides the context for learning inside and outside of our classrooms or offices. The way we effectively enhance our performance and challenge our values is through learning.

We’d like to add to the list of differences.  Have you observed a variety of leadership skills, traits and behaviors within your organization?  Do you relate equally to all styles?  Chances are “no”.

There are many leadership profiles that identify preferred styles. There is no “right or wrong” style, and having a blend makes for a stronger team. Be cognizant of how these differing styles make you feel, and strengthen your team and organization by valuing those differences.

Listen to one another, challenge opposing perspectives, and treat all views respectfully and with an open mind!   Do you appreciate differences?